What I feel from what you’ve described, is that you immediately judged this sensation, as being… or named the sensation, as being an expression of the separate self; and you want to get rid of it.
That’s the problem. That’s the only problem, actually. It’s that you’ve made an enemy of the sensation, and everything you do, from then on, is going to make it worse. So you find yourself in this kind of double bind, where you want to get rid of it, but everything you do to get rid of it, just makes it worse.
Yes, it’s exactly what’s happening.
It’s very simple.
Befriend the sensation.
Instead of the habitual response,
“This is uncomfortable”, “This is bad”, “This needs to be got rid of”,
take the opposite approach.
Be happy that this residue of the “separate me” has been flushed out of one of its favourite hiding places, the heart area; and has been exposed.
And totally allow it, invite it, to come even closer.
Instead of saying “You’re my enemy, I want to get rid of you”,
say to it: “You’ve been there, buried in my heart most of my life; I don’t even really know you. I’ve been so busy trying to get rid of you, or at least trying to suppress or avoid you, that I don’t really know what you are.”
So, totally open the door.
Let it come.
Be interested in it.
Yes. Thank you. And to maybe go along a little further is… is…
That’s what I’ve… I’ve been doing, and sometimes successfully…
When you say “successfully”…
[All burst in laughter]
… this little desire to get rid of it…
… has crept in again.
Yes; I was just gonna talk about that a little more. Because as… as… as much as I consciously can, what I’m trying to say is, I try to face it, I try to do that, but it’s like there’s a part that is not in my control…
Yeah; and then you try to welcome it and befriend it, in order to get rid of it.
So and then… and… this… and…
You know what I am talking about, obviously, so…
There’s a very simple test;
and that is, to test whether or not you’re really allowing the sensation;
or whether you’re allowing it with a secret agenda to kill it as soon as… to get rid of it.
And the test is this.
You ask yourself:
“Could I live with this sensation for the rest of my life?”
And the answer must be Yes.
The answer is No.
When somebody else… The same question…
Well that’s good, that you see the answer is No.
Because the question exposes your agenda with the sensation.
That’s good; you’re honest; you say,
“No, to be honest, I don’t want this sensation”.
So then, turn around and face the sensation again, and go on facing it; go on with this process of facing it, allowing it, asking yourself the question,
“Could I really… Am I totally at peace with it?”
Until you get a genuine Yes,
– and it’s not just, as you’ve discovered, it’s not just
“Oh yes, OK; now I’m going to work on this sensation; OK, I can live with it for the rest of my life.”
It’s not like that.
It takes time. There are layers.
First of all, there will be a “No, I can’t.”
And then the No will get softer.
And you keep doing it. It… it’s a process. It takes time.
And it’s good that you… It’s good that you don’t too readily say “Oh yes, I can live with this for the rest of my life.”
Because it’s… It takes some time.
There is such a habit in us… such a deeply ingrained habit in us… of rejecting, suppressing, avoiding these uncomfortable sensations… That habit is not just got rid of through understanding “Oh yes, I just have to work on my experience.”
In practice it takes time.
Go there again and again and again
and the No,
the “No, I don’t want this”,
will get thinner and thinner;
it will… it will dissolve.
Thank you. Yeah.
Rupert Spira transcribed by Leon Hieros
O Lord of hosts, be thou with us,
for in times of sorrow we have no other help but thee;
O Lord of hosts have mercy upon us.
Κύριε τῶν Δυνάμεων, μεθ᾿ ἡμῶν γενοῦ,
ἄλλον γὰρ ἐκτός Σου βοηθόν, ἐν θλίψεσιν οὐκ ἔχομεν.
Κύριε τῶν Δυνάμεων, ἐλέησον ἡμᾶς.
This is an Ante Scriptum to the small [image prayer] I posted three days ago; not a P.S., since it had indeed been my initial intention to clarify it right from the start, but I thought “A prayer through Leon Hieros” would be clarification enough; for some it was, for some it wasn’t, and all is perfectly well.
I would just like to clarify that my prayers or meditations have nothing to do with me; nothing to do in fact with anyone as a separate person. Even during days of hopeless blurs of perceived and absorbed darkness, I have never in this life felt that Source or any emanation, God or any fellow creature, owes me anything. Which is exactly this; a deep inborn feeling. No belief, opinion or theory to be intellectually shared with, let alone be imposed upon anyone. I am simply called to selflessly play multiple roles in many struggling lives in my environment. Confusions and misunderstandings on all perceivable levels are temporarily unavoidable, due to our usefully unavoidable personal filters created by all our necessary experiences, and feeling truly unconditionally loved is something we each arrive to in our own time.
I humbly thank the Almighty for the preciousness of each one of you, in this world and beyond.
And it is with this belief and this knowledge that I say,
You are not enclosed within your bodies, nor confined to houses or fields.
That which is you dwells above the mountain and roves with the wind.
It is not a thing that crawls into the sun for warmth or digs holes into darkness for safety,
But a thing free, a spirit that envelops the earth and moves in the ether.
If this be vague words, then seek not to clear them.
Vague and nebulous is the beginning of all things, but not their end,
And I fain would have you remember me as a beginning.
Life, and all that lives, is conceived in the mist and not in the crystal.
And who knows but a crystal is mist in decay?
This would I have you remember in remembering me:
That which seems most feeble and bewildered in you is the strongest and most determined.
Is it not your breath that has erected and hardened the structure of your bones
And is it not a dream which none of you remember having dreamt, that builded your city and fashioned all there is in it?
Could you but see the tides of that breath you would cease to see all else,
And if you could hear the whispering of the dream you would hear no other sound.
But you do not see, nor do you hear, and it is well.
The veil that clouds your eyes shall be lifted by the hands that wove it,
And the clay that fills your ears shall be pierced by those fingers that kneaded it.
And you shall see.
And you shall hear.
Yet you shall not deplore having known blindness, nor regret having been deaf.
For in that day you shall know the hidden purposes in all things,
And you shall bless darkness as you would bless light.
And when sometimes
for no apparent reason
Thank You God Thank You Thank You Thank You My God
people around you
Why God Why God Why Why Why
when you know
you will keep at it
regardless of circumstances
you know you’ll keep at it
because you’ve been through
so much darkness yourself
you keep on