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Holding Space

is all

Because actually, if you want to
distinguish this even more,

I don’t believe there is a relationship.
Relationship is an interpretation.
Of an experience.

But relating
is something that
needs competency.

So if I’m really relating,
there is no relationship,
but there is a competency of relating,
moment to moment.

What that means is,
in this competency I need again both
[pointing to his presentation board];
I need consciousness and energy.
I need both.
And structure.

But in the relational competency,
consciousness is the ability to hold a space.

If I cannot
hold a space
for you and I,
I’m just talking to myself.
I’m expressing myself, but in a… in a…
let’s say, old form of communication.

So the real communication happens if I’m…
if my space is big enough for you to be
in there.

So in very relaxed moments
–here, in the festival, when you sit at the lake
and you talk with someone and atmosphere is nice–
so that’s easier, because first of all, we are more relaxed,
and secondly, to keep an inner spaciousness
–Eckhart Tolle talks a lot about inner space–
so if there is inner space, energy can move more freely.

Some of the great physicists have said that
when they were really working on something
and then they went to the park and they went for a walk,
real insight came while walking.
Or while being in the shower.
Or while doing anything that relaxed the space.

Why? Because suddenly there is more inner space.

As Victor Frankl said,
“Between the experience and the response, lies transformation”.

So if I have enough space to see the old reactivity,
I can allow for a new movement to emerge.

If I am bound to the old reactivity, I will just create
what life created already maybe hundreds of years ago.
So I will be a repetition of the old.

And so,
a new soul incarnating
[pointing to his board]
is a new impulse.

That’s the same thing
like an idea in a project.
The same principle; just
the one is much more embodied,
and it becomes a human life,
the other one is part of that human life;
but I think the principle is the same.

If you have enough inner space,
you will be able to contain a conflict
and bring in new possibilities.

If you get very tight,
usually you just repeat the old…
It goes into a pattern and it comes back.

And our… practice, so to speak, would be,

How can I practice

through meditation,
through contemplation,
through relational work–

to create a space that can hold the energy;
to have a strong enough structure,

like an anchoring in my body,
an emotional structure,
a mental structure–

that can hold
the movement
in the relation.
In a dynamic way.”

So this is what we are looking at:
If I cannot… if I don’t have this strong enough structure,
maybe I will be constantly afraid to BE in a relation.
If my structure is too stuck,
I will be afraid of our mutual development;
I will try to keep my partner constantly
“The way I know you…”
if you move,
and if you develop,
I get scared

Video shared by dearest Laurie Whitesel

Thomas Hübl transcribed by Leon Hieros