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Now, I don’t know if it is a question, but it’s more experience, for me. Uhm… That, when you say, if you realize that you become so happy, that it makes you so… That’s so amazing… that it makes you so happy… when you follow your… things. And, how come… how come… Why is that?

Well, if the happiness is the result, or the inevitable consequence, of exploring the nature of our experience, the nature of reality, then ignorance of the nature of reality must be the cause of unhappiness. So, if happiness is the side-effect, or the inevitable consequence of recognizing the nature of reality, or the nature of our Self, then happiness must be the nature of our Self.
Everyone is here, because we… We are all here, because our search for happiness in the world –that is, our search for happiness in the objective experience– has been… has, to a greater or lesser extent, failed us. None of us would be here, if our search for happiness had been fulfilled by objective experience; by substances, relationships, activities, states of mind… etc. In fact, we are all here, because, to a greater or lesser extent, our search for happiness in objective experience has failed.
So we are here, hoping to find happiness, hoping to find peace, or fulfillment, in… in another direction. A direction which we have yet to explore. A direction which is in a… a non-objective direction. A directionless direction. And this is the… the great secret, which is an open secret; it’s a secret that is available to everybody; the great secret that… that for which we long –peace; or happiness– can never be found in objective experience; can only be found in knowing our own being, knowing who we are, as we really are. And the experience of happiness is the inevitable consequence of that search; if we take that search all the way.

Then why is it so difficult, ehm… to, eh… to stay in it? Why…

It’s not difficult. How difficult was it for you to follow our meditation this morning? Was it very difficult? Was it very complicated?

No… No no…

Anybody, any of the seven billion of us, as long as they understood English, could have been here this morning; they would all have understood what was said.

Ha ha…

There isn’t a single step that I took that could not have been followed by anybody, in their experience.

Yeah.

And your question is… is a… is a beautiful question… Why is happiness the inevitable outcome of this exploration… Because happiness is the nature of reality; happiness is the nature of our Self. It’s that simple!

But it’s so strange that you cannot… that I can’t experience it here very quickly and immediately, and it is all around me… But, ehm, to make it a little more personal, ehm…
I’m an old woman, but I’ve been falling in love recently. Very much. And… and then, I had very much the experience, that it comes from the outside, from the other; from this man I met. But I know underneath, that it only outshined of myself, and that he was a mirror to me. But it is still difficult now, to… ehm… er… to make this, ehm… er… what is it… er… ehm…

[Another voice from the audience:] Distinction.

Distinction; between what is this falling in love, and… ehm… and this… ehm… what I know experience, is really only here in my heart…

Well…

… but now it falls together with somebody else, but…

So do you experience the happiness inside of yourself, or outside of yourself?

Ehm, both! Both! It’s this… it’s… eh… when I…

When you… When you say…
I understand experiencing happiness within yourself. But when you say you experience happiness outside of yourself… Can you describe the experience of happiness that is outside of yourself?

Er… Not… not really; of course not! But…

OK. If you can’t describe the… Or… If… If you can’t say something about the experience of happiness that takes place outside of yourself… Then are you sure it’s true, when you say that happiness takes place partly within me, and partly outside of me…?

Yeah, I know it is an illusion, but…

No…

… it’s so strong!

No, no, no, don’t go so quickly! It’s not an illusion. I’m not suggesting or implying that your happiness is an illusion. All I asked you was: Does the experience of happiness take place inside you, or outside you?

Inside.

OK.
Now.
This happiness that you’re feeling now: Was it put in, from the outside, by this man?

No. No. Because when I first met him, I only saw light.

Well, that may be the case, but the question was: Did this man place… take a little packet of happiness, which he possesses, and place it inside of you? Is… was that your experience? Or did the happiness arise from within you?

It… it arose from within me.

OK. And did you ever in your life experience happiness before meeting this man?

[Woman doesn’t answer immediately; Rupert looks at her with big expectant eyes and frowns and smiles closing his eyes and says:]

Please say yes!

[Audience just bursts in laughter, Rupert blushes a little and continues smiling]

Can, can you repeat…

[continues smiling]

… Eh, if I have… YES!

[Everybody laughs]

I mean, this is not your first taste of happiness, surely…

No!

When you were…

… a teenager…

… a young girl…

Yes…

… you must have tasted happiness… And a teenager… There must have been numerous moments through your life, when you experienced happiness.

Yes.

OK. And each of them had a different cause; or an apparent cause. When you were a five-year-old girl, something happened in your life, which triggered the experience of happiness, yeah? And then, whatever it was that triggered the experience of happiness, vanished! And later on –a few days, or weeks, or years later– something else triggered the experience of happiness…

M-hm.

Yeah? And you’ve had numerous moments in your life that were… happy, and each one triggered by an apparently different cause. Yeah?
Now. Don’t tell us about the different causes, but tell us about these moments of happiness. What was the difference between them?

Mm. It’s long ago… Eh… Mm. It was strong!

Was there any difference between the experience of happiness when you were a five-year-old girl, the experience of happiness when you were a fifteen-year-old teenager, the experience of happiness when you were twenty five years old? Each of the moments of happiness: Was the happiness itself the same experience? Or a different experience?

I think it had the same root.

No; that may be so, but it wasn’t the question. The question was: Was the actual experience of happiness, always the same experience… Or didn’t happiness once come in a chocolate-coloured flavour; or happiness come in a… a… in a…

No, but the awareness of the…

No, I’m just asking you about the experience of happiness. Is it always the same experience, or do you experience lots of different types of happiness? Or is happiness simply happiness?

YES! Simply happiness!

Good! OK. So. If you have experienced happiness; the happiness that you now feel –that has been triggered by your new friend– if that happiness is the same experience that you experienced last year, and ten years ago, and twenty years ago, and forty years ago… Then this happiness cannot be caused by your friend.

Ah, that’s true… That’s true…

And that’s very important, for you to understand… Because if you don’t understand that, in a couple of years time, your friend will disappoint you.

[Laughter from woman and audience]

If you want, this new relationship, to be a loving, and lasting relationship…

M-hm…

… you have to withdraw your projection from him…

Yeah…

… right at the beginning.

M-hm!

He is NOT the cause of your happiness. And if you hold him responsible for your happiness, sooner or later –and probably sooner rather than later [audience laughs]– you will begin to feel dissatisfied… The perfect man… [Rupert straightens up and points in her direction] Is he sitting next to you by any chance? [Loud laughter]

No!

No, no, he’s not here! OK! Ha ha ha…
The perfect man that he now seems to be, will gradually start to show imperfections… [Laughter]

Sure! Yeah…

… and you will start to be disappointed in him. And you will start to blame him… for not causing you happiness. And that blame will turn into resentment. And that resentment will turn into anger. And you will start to dislike the man that you are now in love with, because he fails to produce happiness for you.
So. If you want to have a relationship that is free…

Yeah…

of blame, and resentment, and conflict, then you have to withdraw that projection now.

Yeah.

He is NOT the cause of your happiness, and he is not responsible for it. The happiness that you are experiencing, something about the meeting with this man, has caused your thoughts and feelings – the tension of your seeking all these years… your tension has relaxed, and as a result of that relaxation, the nature of yourself, which is pure happiness, is now shining in your experience. It was always there, but it was buried by this tension that you felt –this longing for friendship, this longing for relationship– and that longing caused you to lose touch with your innate happiness. Now that tension has been relieved through the meeting of this friend, and as that tension subsides, the happiness which is your nature, is shining through.
That’s beautiful.
But don’t allow your friend to be a cause of your happiness. He’s not responsible for your happiness, and… and that is the secret of a truly loving and intimate relationship, and that will give your relationship the best possible chance… of developing into a truly loving, intimate relationship.

Thank you very much, this is very great help; but, ehm… I’m seventy-five, and so amazed that this happened in my life, and, ehm… It is, ehm… It’s a great, ehm… a gift, but I… of course I realized I had to withdraw my projection, but, ehm… there was also… I realized that something in me hasn’t changed from this little girl, and… All my life, that is still the same! Exactly the same!

Yes. The… If I were to ask you…
That in you, which now feels in love…
How old is she?

Yeah…

What would you say?

Now… Maybe five?! [laughs joyfully]

Exactly! Maybe five. Which is another way of saying: She doesn’t really have an age…

No!

… she’s not seventy-five.
She’s innocent…

No!
Yes!

She’s just pure openness… Pure joy…

Yeah…

Because who you really are, doesn’t have an age. It is the same self now…

Yes…

… that you were five years old, and nothing has happened to that self, all through your life. No experience has tarnished… You.

No, it hasn’t…

Or aged you, or changed you… And now, as a result of this beautiful friendship, that… that… something has dropped, the tension in you has dropped, and your self –the self that you always are– is… is shining, as it is: Ageless. Innocent. Full of joy…

That’s true!

So, what is important in a relationship, is… is… not to… To preserve that, in the relationship; and to allow the relationship –presumably he is feeling the same thing– so the relationship is this sharing, this celebrating of these two innocent, ageless beings.
What is… what is your task now, is not to let the… the… the differences, the relative differences –thoughts, feelings…– ahm… tarnish this… this innocence; this ageless, joyful innocence of yourself. To preserve that. That, that should be the altar of your relationship.

M-hm! Thank you very much!

💜🙏

Transcribed by Leon Hieros

For my Claudi,

whom I have not yet held in this life,

but whose innocent love is always in me

For all Loves who have ever sought happiness outside

that is, for each and every one of us: