SIX THOUSAND DAYS OF NIGHT
(Anti-poem of a deadly mother)
My daughter’s child would be two times my enemy,
so let’s make sure there’ll be no kids from her!
Never forget… I lost my precious toy thanks to you,
dear husband only in name, useless donor of sperm,
watchdog unable to fulfill your one and only duty:
keeping her sick and paralyzed, for me to play Mutti.
Now it’s 1997. The arrogant girlie is still too young and juicy.
I can’t believe she means to leave me for this bloody dreamer.
Let’s show them both they are nothing but nasty little shits.
Now it’s time for me to give free reign to all your wild desires.
Just buy me food and crazy pills; most of the rest is yours:
my nice pension you can have, many of my savings, too;
make sure you spend crazy as hell; you go buy cars,
expensive clothes, enjoy your whoring, as well,
go feed your lust even more freely than you always have.
And every summer we’ll be going on vacation together,
just you and me like we’re in love, in this seaside apartment
we will be keeping rented all year through just for these weeks,
’cause being generous with money gets people on their knees
and we’ll be able to exhibit suffering no one will ever doubt;
this bonded couple was abandoned by their thankless daughter
who does not even bother to offer them any grandkids
since she only cares about herself and her bookworm “career”.
We will destroy her, I hate her guts,
she plays saint but she’s a slut like all of us,
she will not live to see me die before her.
Neither will you; you are forewarned.
Now go accomplish your last mission.
Six thousand days should be enough
from all her days to drain the light,
to drown her in an endless night.
And so his mission has been accomplished; Plutonia’s father left his last remorseless breath one week ago.
As soon as he had no more hatred to incite and no more lies to spread, he decided to leave. His cancer would have been manageable through the right treatment, but this man’s evil determination was such that he deliberately starved himself into a speedy deterioration so that he could not be held accountable for anything. He orchestrated his exit from this life after he had completely cut off his only legal child (he had at least two extramarital children with different women) from all relatives both in Greece and in Germany with the silent encouragement of his destructive wife, after he had made sure he would be leaving only chaos, both socially and financially, behind him for his daughter (and me, his abysmally hated sun-in-law with this annoying inner light only her equally spat-at German grandmother had cherished).
This “father’s” funeral took place 200 miles away six days ago; Plutonia was not allowed to be there and have any closure (like years ago she had not been allowed to mourn her beloved German grandmother’s passing, when her “mother” had kept her away with some insubstantial excuse). The relatives did not want her there at all, so they did not send any money for the tickets, even though they know we can barely sustain ourselves. These vultures are only interested in managing her mother’s pension themselves, keeping her happy with the sedatives she has been addicted to for decades. In their distorted eyes, Plutonia is nothing but a sucker and a victim who can now be easily kicked out and who deserves to be treated as such. The woman I have helplessly seen become totally sick from weeping on and off all day and all night long after her father’s death, is a transcendentally compassionate soul who has always been honoring even this beast’s paternal potential.
If our unconditionally loving hearts only make us suckers and victims in this world, I honestly cannot see why we are here. I do feel we have a role to play in tipping the cosmic balance, but I have no idea of how we can survive anymore or of how we can make any difference falling as radiant drops in a black ocean of hatred and fear. There must be some divine justice for all the destruction my Beloved has suffered since she was a little girl on the verge of tears in all her photographs with these parents.
In midst of her great pain and despair, Plutonia prayed that this father’s soul may find rest after he has made up somehow, even in the afterlife, for the evil he had been perpetrating.
And Goddess help us with my bedridden and demented monster-in-law from now on, especially if she demands that we go and live with her (a long-term plan of hers known for years to some relatives), mercilessly exploiting the fact that we have no financial means anymore and are about to lose our humble apartment to the bank, and now she sees that her final chance to finally break us up as a couple has probably arrived. She is not manageable at all just because she got rid of her toy-daughter’s watchdog; although she always had everyone thinking of her as an innocent victim of her husband’s emotional violence, her soul is an even darker business.
A HEART HOPEFULLY TOO STUBBORN TO SURRENDER TO THIS TWISTER
(Concrete poem of a pariah lion)
And so the first six thousand days of the SolitaryThinkers’ common life are over.
Six thousand sunrises, six thousand sunsets, all but a few gone unwatched,
as we have been fighting to survive working on texts inside four walls,
our books in homes, schools, universities, with no tangible results.
And now there seems to be nothing for us to look forward to;
only hardly surmountable problems ahead, both personally
and collectively, as this wild financial war rages on.
Under this twister of reckless hardships
I am really fighting hard to stand.
Constantly facing dead ends
of such epic desolation
all my life, I feel like
unleashing my soul
on a mountain top
with a huge roar.
don’t be upset.
I’m used to it.
I’ll keep it up.
I love you all,