Where do I begin…

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My Love, my Brighteyes.

It has been exactly seven years since the sudden death of my father, when I was thrust into the role of the sole caregiver of my mother, who was by then suffering from dementia and severe disability. As I was soon to find out, her health problems were partly caused by the continuous intake of sedatives and sleeping pills, which were practically force-fed to her by my abusive father, so that he could continue completely unchecked with his whoring and gambling.

The last few years of his life had been hellish for us both. You remember those endless phone calls, when we were trying so hard to make a living in a country that was falling financially and socially apart, where he was yelling and screaming at me, blaming me for all the mishaps in his life, that I had betrayed and abandoned him by marrying a guy he did not approve and moving to another city far away.

At some point we were both so close to the brink of giving up on this world that we decided to launch together this beautiful blog of ours with love and abandon, to say our final good-bye, you had even prepared some e-mails that would be send at the right time to some of our estranged relatives in an effort to leave some explanation behind.

The care for my mother provided us with a small yet relatively steady income, which allowed us to survive, while I had to learn how to handle the huge mess my father had left behind, be it health, finances, taxes, the list is endless, and seven years later we are still battling with some of the old issues, paired now with new challenges, as my mother is getting more and more fragile.

All the way through the early years, you were always there, my pillar of strength, my sustenance, keeping me when I was faltering, holding me when I was despairing, loving me beyond measure, like you always did from the first day we met, so many years before. If it weren’t for you, I would not have made it, you helped me rise to the occasion, you fought at my side, my safe haven amidst all those storms. You helped me build a wonderful and loving relationship with that remarkable young woman, who through God’s Will found her way to my mother’s doorstep and for an affordable fee became her second immediate caregiver, allowing us to maintain a certain degree of independence, to stay in loving solitude and togetherness in our own four walls, where we could replenish and recharge. That amazing woman has become a true sister to me and a loving second daughter to my mother, steadily and tirelessly accompanying us through thick and thin, our lives now thus lovingly intertwined that we are all mutually there for each other, without question or hesitation. I am so grateful for both of you.

All these obligations had a heavy toll on me. I have spent so many sleepless nights, trying to find solutions to a never-ending array of problems, which were always popping out at the most inconvenient and difficult times, endlessly reading on proper care-giving, dementia, the proper use of pharmaceuticals, proper dieting for disabled people, taxation laws as I had to manage my mother’s obligations in two different countries, and so much more. I discovered I had a natural knack for things I never thought possible before, yet I had to immerse myself completely to get two different households running as smoothly as possible. My days were dominated by doctors’ appointments, paying bills, talking for hours on the phone with my mother and my new sister, offering advice, instructions and psychological support whenever needed. Your steady and loving hand was always there, supporting me, taking on willingly many of our own household chores, offering advice wherever you could, driving me on our frequent journeys to my mother’s, helping even there with so many things, but the main job was on me. At times I grew weary, I despaired, I had many fears about what would happen next, I often felt depleted and empty, and then your smile and warmth brought me again back to life and I enjoyed with all my heart our precious moments of togetherness.

As the pace of our new found circumstances finally started to slow down a bit, and some routine kicked in, as some things became more familiar and somewhat easier to tackle, our beautiful blog started to bloom and so did you. You found yourself in a loving community, being finally able to share your innate light with others, after all those long years of loneliness and broken relationships due to both our abusive families, wounds that were slowly healing through our mutual love and strong bond of our souls that so often had transcended time and space in those early years of our union, when we had been forced to stay apart for over two years. I had to retreat from blogging, I didn’t have the energy anymore, but you with your seemingly endless leonine energy went on to create pure and amazing new relationships that helped you bloom even more, bringing out all the beauty and the wisdom you possessed inside, and sustained you, and through you me also. I rejoiced with each one of your steps, even though I could not follow that efficiently your ever quickening pace and my heart sung with all the joy and fulfillment you were offering others and receiving back yourself. I entrusted you fully with the administration of our blog, to make it completely yours, to show the world who you were and to leave your mark. My presence was not important, it was you who had so much to offer. I am sorry if I sometimes could not show you in a more enthusiastic way my joy, but you know that I was feeling it and rejoicing with you.

But then something began to change. I guess that sometimes when a gifted and openhearted person like you reaches out to the world with such purity, it will also attract impurity. I don’t even remember exactly when this acquaintance began, but I do remember you talking with warmth and compassion about a young female blogger, whose long list of plights in her life had shaped in her some of the same psychic powers you yourself possessed, as you grew up in a violently abusive and intrusive home and through years of sickness as a child due to ongoing tensions, you developed an ability to connect to certain astral planes for comfort and outlet. Though you never lost that connection and despite the natural attraction to those other states of being, you firmly decided from a young age to never explore further this realms, to devote yourself to the highest Source and never fool around, as your innate wisdom advised you against this temptation to play god, when our purpose here on Earth is to go fully through the human experience with all its joys, sorrows and plights until it is divine time to reunite with our Source, never forgetting our connection to it, but also never rushing things. We both felt so much deep compassion for her. How were we both fooled.

But as humans we often tend to forget and we often lose our connection to our inner self, and so certain things in us, yearnings, desires, attachments and traumas, instead of being worked through and burnt off, remain intact, creating dark spots in our soul, which we are ignorant of, dark spots that can be preyed upon by impurity.

So even you could not be spared. You stumbled upon impurity, in the form of a sweet-looking, rosy-cheeked and seemingly helpless young seeker of truth and spirit, and got lost, with devastating consequences for us and others. But no deed goes unnoticed by God, and He, according to His divine plan, will allow certain transgressions to go only so far. But the pain is always excruciating, pushing us to our very limits and often divine intervention seems non-existent. Or so we think.

So you stumbled upon an enchantress of words, a manipulator of cosmic and psychic energies, whose eloquent verses started seducing you, whispering to you about seemingly innocent realms of bliss and beautiful new dimensions of Oneness. It was a slow and insidious process. She fed you with poison that tasted like sweet heavenly nectar. She clouded your vision and twisted your perception, you could not see her for what she was, you followed her like an innocent little child that trustingly takes the hand of his smiling abuser and follows him into that lone dark alley for the unthinkable to take place. She raised your own inner demons back to life and feasted on your dark spots, luring you to astral practices with sexual energy, which is so easy to tap into.

When I realized something was totally wrong, it was too late, you were hooked, but I also could not see clearly, because your love had never abandoned me, and yet something was different. I began experiencing psychic attacks, which were robbing me of the little energy I had left, I began receiving warning signs, divine cues about what was going on, but I could not pinpoint it with certainty. You became cold, emotionally absent, burying yourself in more productivity when I was around, with beautiful and wise teachings that filled our blog with beauty and light, but something was boiling under the surface, because light is not supposed to build walls and you were frantically building them, enclosing yourself somewhere where I could not reach you. I started noticing other patterns of behavior too, but you became a master of concealment, so elegantly and efficiently that I could not prove anything. Through my dreams I started receiving even more signs, I confronted you several times, but the strength of your masculine ego matches your purity and you could not be cracked open. Through your poisoned perception you even started to see me almost as an enemy, targeting me, accusing me sometimes of insane things, of supposedly not wanting to see the purity and harmony of all. Still your love never died, but it was often accompanied with inflicting pain on me. My despair grew with each passing month, my own health deteriorating, I was on a road to almost self-annihilation. I prayed and prayed for protection and healing.

Then, some time ago came an act of God, I cannot describe it otherwise, which you also recognized as such and something began to shift in you. I felt you resisting something that was obviously deeply hooked in you, I felt your pain, I saw your beautiful shiny eyes becoming dark and bleak, at times you denied yourself necessary nourishment or sleep, you were struggling, your light was almost diminishing. Can the sun ever lose its light and warmth? Yes, when star death is imminent. But you did not die, you became gentler and softer with me, the tender man I have been loving for almost half of my life. The psychic attacks towards me started subsiding. But still you would not let me in and yet I was so grateful that we were entering more peaceful times, although I could still feel hooks in you. Several months passed by. Then came some serious situations regarding my mother and we both were very occupied and my loving and helpful husband was again there by my side. The little blogging time you had left was now truly offered up to Source, to true light and love.

After the multiple problems with my mother were dealt with and we were back again in our own home, after a while you started struggling again against something that seemed to exercise an even stronger pull on you. I started fearing for your well-being, and at the same time I felt fed-up and totally done. Then another crisis involving my mother appeared and I concentrated now solely on this, leaving you completely in the hands of God, since I could no longer do anything for you and you were still resisting all my efforts to get through to you.

And then about two months ago, when time was right and you were ripe to be cracked open, divine intervention came. Swiftly, totally unexpectedly and with the might of a supernova explosion, finally burning off the rest of your hooks, your dark spots, your illusions, everything came to light, everything was purged. A veil was lifted from your eyes and you could finally see clearly again, you could see me again and the sacrilege of the whole situation. I am grateful and in awe.

Beloved brothers and sisters of Leon,

before me stands a changed man, more beautiful than ever with his true light restored again. Of course there is still much working through to be done, a lot of healing to take place, after all this whole situation has been torturing us for some years. And I was mortified to hear from Leon’s own lips that even our beautiful blog had been desecrated, as he on a few occasions misused it to convey cryptic messages of desire and adolescent fantasies to the one who was abusing so much her own powers and turning another light of God into something dark and obscene. Unfortunately some psychic attacks are still taking place on occasion, causing Leon and me to feel sick and having twisted dreams, so I would like to send out a plea to you, to all of you who have loved and supported Leon all these years, to pray for us, for healing and protection. The transgressor will be dealt with by God. No deed goes unnoticed by God.

Gratefully, Plutonia

Presence before we fell

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God sometimes gifts His children
with hearts so open they can merge
with all of His creation
till bliss becomes a curse

and beautifully we turn around
through self-made veils of hell

It’s always here, our home divine
Presence before we fell
God always gifts His children
with Love no words can tell

Confession: Infidelity in the spirit

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My wife’s beloved eyes

overshadowed
by shock and pain

How could I ever
How could I

No one who has committed infidelity just stumbled into it – it is not a hole in the road. Infidelity happens by giving in a little wiggle room at a time, a few too many glances, a few too many shared moments, a few too many encounters, even if only through the digital world. It often starts innocently and unintentionally by seeking out pure spiritual connections and you end up making excuses for yourself for formerly unthinkable courses of action.

The consequences are painful and utterly humbling. I am so deeply sorry. A valuable lesson has been learned. God have mercy for my humanity. Angels keep us enfolded.

Leon

Magnum Mysterium

The Divine cannot work or be felt in our lives
while our free will still stubbornly roars

I am here
I am me

If I Am
created Free
how can this be undone
lead to Trust

It’s a circle so strong, seems too vicious to break
and Surrender cannot be explained

We’ve been chasing eclipses’ dark paths for too long
trying to hide from Almighty’s true love

We all live and we die we forget just for Whom
Undeservedly Grace guide us Home

Quiet sweetness of harmony humbles pain’s view
Inexplicably You are in us

Time is naught and Your majesty illumines each soul
Greatest mystery of us being of You

Leon and Plutonia

Centripetal

Hold me, please hold me, don’t let go
even when we’re so busy
our hands and minds full to correct
injustice overwhelming

With love and Grace we’ll make it through
-fugal to centripetal
We’re only here for a short while
working for life eternal

Σ’ αγαπώ πάρα πολύ ψυχή μου!
💖 Leon

“When buffaloes fight, it is the frogs that suffer”, goes a Greek saying inspired by the ancient fables of Aesop. In our case, a bureaucratic dispute between two European countries over the rightful taxation of my disabled mother’s moderate pension, has led to all hell breaking loose on the frogs, pardon, on my mother (a German national living for over 40 years in Greece) and me as her proxy. Faced with little assistance or outright denial from tax authorities in both countries, we are being asked to prove what should be clear and obvious. As it seems, European cooperation for the benefit of all citizens is still a far, far away dream. Es hat doch tatsächlich den Anschein, dass manche Kriege immer noch, wenn auch nur auf Papier, weitergeführt werden.

The fight has already been going on for months now. With no immediate end in sight. Some perspectives even looking bleaker than before, with the pandemic somehow leaving some irrational state demands unaffected and even raising new obstacles. Psychological and financial exhaustion are already knocking at our door. Still, giving up is not an option. Yet. We hope.
Plutonia

We are all centripetal after all. “For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction”, as goes Newton’s third law of inertia. Just as gravity causes you to exert a force on the ground, the ground appears to exert an equal and opposite force on your feet. When you are in an accelerating car, the seat exerts a forward force on you, just as you appear to exert a backward force on the seat. In the case of a rotating system, the centripetal force pulls the mass inward to follow a curved path, while the mass appears to push outward due to its inertia.
In each of these cases, there is only one real force being applied, while the other is only an apparent force.

Centripetal (centrum + petere) means “moving toward or striving after the centre”.
Centrifugal (centrum + fugere) means “proceeding out from or flying off the centre”.

The centrifugal force is fictitious, an apparent force that seems to be pushing us away from the centre of the circle of motion, only when we are part of a rotating system. We are parts of rotating systems as incarnate beings; we do identify ourselves as matter for a while.

The centripetal force is the only real one, the actual inward force that keeps us from going off on a tangent. We can actually never fly off our divine centre. We do proceed out from the Source, but it is only an illusion that we can flee away from it. We all sooner or later let this illusion disappear.

May all feel held; through all inadequacies, their own or those of others. On each stage of this sometimes foggy and painful journey of life, may all feel divinely held and blessed.

Beloved friends, brothers and sisters, for one more time we humbly ask for your prayers and good energy to sustain us, as we might have to refrain from posting or even liking from time to time, although we can’t imagine not keeping at least sporadically in touch with all of your beautiful works and posts which have been filling our soul with such light and joy. Thank you all from our heart.

In love and gratitude,
Leon and Plutonia

The stabilizing force

The stabilizing force we have
is simple as our breathing

Going through anything that throws us off
may we quickly remember

Thank you my God for this right here
Don’t know its use
but You do

When gratitude is less than this
our breathing gets constricted

Reverse the process
Be right here

Last breath then
will be graceful

Preparing stably
with God’s grace
is far from any hurrying

Let’s celebrate quietly now
Let’s be with each breath grateful

🙏🙏

Deep joy to all

Imperfection
makes perfection
if we see with eyes of God

If we could, that is

We cannot

Grace by stages leads us Home

It takes diligence and patience
Progress then may well speed up
Be our vision ever Godward
Know we’re carried through the dark

Deep peace to you

Leon and Plutonia

Tackling its program

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,

I find myself more and more teaching what seems most essential; to help people access intelligent and comfortable awareness. If this awareness becomes a steady orientation, it’s possible to live and grow in this personal world; here is a sense of safety with its fundamental goodwill. The tricky detail being that it is not personal; it’s before the personal conditions arise.

And this means that the sources of the programs and attitudes that become a person get revealed: dis-ease, restlessness and having to do something, or feeling guilty and inadequate that one isn’t doing (or in fact being) whatever it is that one should be – while not knowing what that is. Not that any of that is your fault. Essentially this dukkha (suffering) is not personal, not specific; and it isn’t resolved by doing anything other than tackling its program. It’s non-specific because its source is the pressurised space of one’s unsettled awareness. That then colours everything that the personality forms out of.

– Ajahn Sucitto