Where do I begin…

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My Love, my Brighteyes.

It has been exactly seven years since the sudden death of my father, when I was thrust into the role of the sole caregiver of my mother, who was by then suffering from dementia and severe disability. As I was soon to find out, her health problems were partly caused by the continuous intake of sedatives and sleeping pills, which were practically force-fed to her by my abusive father, so that he could continue completely unchecked with his whoring and gambling.

The last few years of his life had been hellish for us both. You remember those endless phone calls, when we were trying so hard to make a living in a country that was falling financially and socially apart, where he was yelling and screaming at me, blaming me for all the mishaps in his life, that I had betrayed and abandoned him by marrying a guy he did not approve and moving to another city far away.

At some point we were both so close to the brink of giving up on this world that we decided to launch together this beautiful blog of ours with love and abandon, to say our final good-bye, you had even prepared some e-mails that would be send at the right time to some of our estranged relatives in an effort to leave some explanation behind.

The care for my mother provided us with a small yet relatively steady income, which allowed us to survive, while I had to learn how to handle the huge mess my father had left behind, be it health, finances, taxes, the list is endless, and seven years later we are still battling with some of the old issues, paired now with new challenges, as my mother is getting more and more fragile.

All the way through the early years, you were always there, my pillar of strength, my sustenance, keeping me when I was faltering, holding me when I was despairing, loving me beyond measure, like you always did from the first day we met, so many years before. If it weren’t for you, I would not have made it, you helped me rise to the occasion, you fought at my side, my safe haven amidst all those storms. You helped me build a wonderful and loving relationship with that remarkable young woman, who through God’s Will found her way to my mother’s doorstep and for an affordable fee became her second immediate caregiver, allowing us to maintain a certain degree of independence, to stay in loving solitude and togetherness in our own four walls, where we could replenish and recharge. That amazing woman has become a true sister to me and a loving second daughter to my mother, steadily and tirelessly accompanying us through thick and thin, our lives now thus lovingly intertwined that we are all mutually there for each other, without question or hesitation. I am so grateful for both of you.

All these obligations had a heavy toll on me. I have spent so many sleepless nights, trying to find solutions to a never-ending array of problems, which were always popping out at the most inconvenient and difficult times, endlessly reading on proper care-giving, dementia, the proper use of pharmaceuticals, proper dieting for disabled people, taxation laws as I had to manage my mother’s obligations in two different countries, and so much more. I discovered I had a natural knack for things I never thought possible before, yet I had to immerse myself completely to get two different households running as smoothly as possible. My days were dominated by doctors’ appointments, paying bills, talking for hours on the phone with my mother and my new sister, offering advice, instructions and psychological support whenever needed. Your steady and loving hand was always there, supporting me, taking on willingly many of our own household chores, offering advice wherever you could, driving me on our frequent journeys to my mother’s, helping even there with so many things, but the main job was on me. At times I grew weary, I despaired, I had many fears about what would happen next, I often felt depleted and empty, and then your smile and warmth brought me again back to life and I enjoyed with all my heart our precious moments of togetherness.

As the pace of our new found circumstances finally started to slow down a bit, and some routine kicked in, as some things became more familiar and somewhat easier to tackle, our beautiful blog started to bloom and so did you. You found yourself in a loving community, being finally able to share your innate light with others, after all those long years of loneliness and broken relationships due to both our abusive families, wounds that were slowly healing through our mutual love and strong bond of our souls that so often had transcended time and space in those early years of our union, when we had been forced to stay apart for over two years. I had to retreat from blogging, I didn’t have the energy anymore, but you with your seemingly endless leonine energy went on to create pure and amazing new relationships that helped you bloom even more, bringing out all the beauty and the wisdom you possessed inside, and sustained you, and through you me also. I rejoiced with each one of your steps, even though I could not follow that efficiently your ever quickening pace and my heart sung with all the joy and fulfillment you were offering others and receiving back yourself. I entrusted you fully with the administration of our blog, to make it completely yours, to show the world who you were and to leave your mark. My presence was not important, it was you who had so much to offer. I am sorry if I sometimes could not show you in a more enthusiastic way my joy, but you know that I was feeling it and rejoicing with you.

But then something began to change. I guess that sometimes when a gifted and openhearted person like you reaches out to the world with such purity, it will also attract impurity. I don’t even remember exactly when this acquaintance began, but I do remember you talking with warmth and compassion about a young female blogger, whose long list of plights in her life had shaped in her some of the same psychic powers you yourself possessed, as you grew up in a violently abusive and intrusive home and through years of sickness as a child due to ongoing tensions, you developed an ability to connect to certain astral planes for comfort and outlet. Though you never lost that connection and despite the natural attraction to those other states of being, you firmly decided from a young age to never explore further this realms, to devote yourself to the highest Source and never fool around, as your innate wisdom advised you against this temptation to play god, when our purpose here on Earth is to go fully through the human experience with all its joys, sorrows and plights until it is divine time to reunite with our Source, never forgetting our connection to it, but also never rushing things. We both felt so much deep compassion for her. How were we both fooled.

But as humans we often tend to forget and we often lose our connection to our inner self, and so certain things in us, yearnings, desires, attachments and traumas, instead of being worked through and burnt off, remain intact, creating dark spots in our soul, which we are ignorant of, dark spots that can be preyed upon by impurity.

So even you could not be spared. You stumbled upon impurity, in the form of a sweet-looking, rosy-cheeked and seemingly helpless young seeker of truth and spirit, and got lost, with devastating consequences for us and others. But no deed goes unnoticed by God, and He, according to His divine plan, will allow certain transgressions to go only so far. But the pain is always excruciating, pushing us to our very limits and often divine intervention seems non-existent. Or so we think.

So you stumbled upon an enchantress of words, a manipulator of cosmic and psychic energies, whose eloquent verses started seducing you, whispering to you about seemingly innocent realms of bliss and beautiful new dimensions of Oneness. It was a slow and insidious process. She fed you with poison that tasted like sweet heavenly nectar. She clouded your vision and twisted your perception, you could not see her for what she was, you followed her like an innocent little child that trustingly takes the hand of his smiling abuser and follows him into that lone dark alley for the unthinkable to take place. She raised your own inner demons back to life and feasted on your dark spots, luring you to astral practices with sexual energy, which is so easy to tap into.

When I realized something was totally wrong, it was too late, you were hooked, but I also could not see clearly, because your love had never abandoned me, and yet something was different. I began experiencing psychic attacks, which were robbing me of the little energy I had left, I began receiving warning signs, divine cues about what was going on, but I could not pinpoint it with certainty. You became cold, emotionally absent, burying yourself in more productivity when I was around, with beautiful and wise teachings that filled our blog with beauty and light, but something was boiling under the surface, because light is not supposed to build walls and you were frantically building them, enclosing yourself somewhere where I could not reach you. I started noticing other patterns of behavior too, but you became a master of concealment, so elegantly and efficiently that I could not prove anything. Through my dreams I started receiving even more signs, I confronted you several times, but the strength of your masculine ego matches your purity and you could not be cracked open. Through your poisoned perception you even started to see me almost as an enemy, targeting me, accusing me sometimes of insane things, of supposedly not wanting to see the purity and harmony of all. Still your love never died, but it was often accompanied with inflicting pain on me. My despair grew with each passing month, my own health deteriorating, I was on a road to almost self-annihilation. I prayed and prayed for protection and healing.

Then, some time ago came an act of God, I cannot describe it otherwise, which you also recognized as such and something began to shift in you. I felt you resisting something that was obviously deeply hooked in you, I felt your pain, I saw your beautiful shiny eyes becoming dark and bleak, at times you denied yourself necessary nourishment or sleep, you were struggling, your light was almost diminishing. Can the sun ever lose its light and warmth? Yes, when star death is imminent. But you did not die, you became gentler and softer with me, the tender man I have been loving for almost half of my life. The psychic attacks towards me started subsiding. But still you would not let me in and yet I was so grateful that we were entering more peaceful times, although I could still feel hooks in you. Several months passed by. Then came some serious situations regarding my mother and we both were very occupied and my loving and helpful husband was again there by my side. The little blogging time you had left was now truly offered up to Source, to true light and love.

After the multiple problems with my mother were dealt with and we were back again in our own home, after a while you started struggling again against something that seemed to exercise an even stronger pull on you. I started fearing for your well-being, and at the same time I felt fed-up and totally done. Then another crisis involving my mother appeared and I concentrated now solely on this, leaving you completely in the hands of God, since I could no longer do anything for you and you were still resisting all my efforts to get through to you.

And then about two months ago, when time was right and you were ripe to be cracked open, divine intervention came. Swiftly, totally unexpectedly and with the might of a supernova explosion, finally burning off the rest of your hooks, your dark spots, your illusions, everything came to light, everything was purged. A veil was lifted from your eyes and you could finally see clearly again, you could see me again and the sacrilege of the whole situation. I am grateful and in awe.

Beloved brothers and sisters of Leon,

before me stands a changed man, more beautiful than ever with his true light restored again. Of course there is still much working through to be done, a lot of healing to take place, after all this whole situation has been torturing us for some years. And I was mortified to hear from Leon’s own lips that even our beautiful blog had been desecrated, as he on a few occasions misused it to convey cryptic messages of desire and adolescent fantasies to the one who was abusing so much her own powers and turning another light of God into something dark and obscene. Unfortunately some psychic attacks are still taking place on occasion, causing Leon and me to feel sick and having twisted dreams, so I would like to send out a plea to you, to all of you who have loved and supported Leon all these years, to pray for us, for healing and protection. The transgressor will be dealt with by God. No deed goes unnoticed by God.

Gratefully, Plutonia

Presence before we fell

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God sometimes gifts His children
with hearts so open they can merge
with all of His creation
till bliss becomes a curse

and beautifully we turn around
through self-made veils of hell

It’s always here, our home divine
Presence before we fell
God always gifts His children
with Love no words can tell

Confession: Infidelity in the spirit

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My wife’s beloved eyes

overshadowed
by shock and pain

How could I ever
How could I

No one who has committed infidelity just stumbled into it – it is not a hole in the road. Infidelity happens by giving in a little wiggle room at a time, a few too many glances, a few too many shared moments, a few too many encounters, even if only through the digital world. It often starts innocently and unintentionally by seeking out pure spiritual connections and you end up making excuses for yourself for formerly unthinkable courses of action.

The consequences are painful and utterly humbling. I am so deeply sorry. A valuable lesson has been learned. God have mercy for my humanity. Angels keep us enfolded.

Leon

wisely

Life teaches wisely letting go of all our inner struggles
All disconnecting or pretence will but make lessons harder
only to later dawn on us
precious free will unveiling
it’s been dependent all along
on Lord’s true freeing guidance

Thought cleansing

what is the point of feeling love
only for those who love us
what need for grace in suffering
just for our own mistakes

sins’ consequences are passed on
our own sins aggravating
until we see them and abide
in deep stillness forgiving

we stay aware and vigilant
keep lightening our loads
our constant thought cleansing all thoughts
Our God, Thy name be hallowed

Live like there is no death

Death is the fear which tells you that you cannot, that you can’t take this anymore, that you are worthless.

Resurrection is Christ calling you to know your worth and to know that you can make it.

Death is the threat of despair which tells you that that’s it, you’re finished.

Resurrection is Christ telling you that nothing is finished, that all can begin anew, that you are eternal.

Death is the denial of life. The day-by-day killing of our moments.

Resurrection is Christ who offers abundant life, light and joy, who transforms daily routine into thanksgiving and deep gratitude for all we experience, for all we receive, for all that exists now and eternally.

Death is the fear of being ourselves.

Resurrection is our aligning with what God wants us to be and to become.

Death is being afraid to live because we might get hurt.

Resurrection is Christ telling you that every Cross can become Light, every trauma a miracle.

Live like there is no death.

Live before you die so that you don’t die when you die.

Tell yourself you’ll live through it all, even though you feel you’re dying; you are eternal.

You are afraid of death because you are unaware of Resurrection.

You are afraid of death because you tremble before life.

You are afraid of death because you do not honour your life.

Allow God to dream unto you victories and Resurrections.

Allow God to get you out of your tomb of fears; allow God to resurrect the yearning of your heart.

Believe that you can, that you deserve, that you want to taste the Joy of Resurrection.

Father Charalambos Libyos Papadopoulos

Lass nicht die Angst dich umbringen, bevor es eine Kugel tut

Wir erleben sehr harte Zeiten als Planet, als Menschen und Gesellschaften.

Noch ein Mal haben wir als Menschheit das Tor zur Hölle geöffnet und der Gestank des Todes füllt die Luft.

Blut und Fleisch, verlorene Seelen und Träume vor dem Erschießungskommando.

Junge Menschen mit ihren hübschen Körpern und Augen voller Lebenssehnsucht, kauernd vor Angst, liegen deformiert in der Verwesung des Todes, verloren in den Straßen der menschlichen Bosheit.

Alte Leutchen, Opas und Omas, die jahrelang im Lebenskampf standgehalten haben und auf das Alter gewartet haben um sich endlich auszuruhen, werden als nutzlose Gegenstände von der Maschine der Macht, der Stärke und des Reichtums weggefegt.

Noch ein Mal konnte die Dunkelheit, die wir in unseren Seelen tragen, nicht das Licht werden, wie es Christus von uns verlangte. Noch ein Mal haben wir den Tod über das Leben gewählt. Die Stärke und die Macht über die Liebe.

Statt uns zu verlieben, morden wir. Statt zu leben, sterben wir. Statt zu lieben, zu umarmen, zu sprechen und zu streiten, zu spielen und zu schaffen, zu träumen und enttäuscht zu werden, hinzufallen und wieder aufzustehen, statt all dies zu tun was die Reise des Seins verschönert, morden wir und verjagen die Gnade Gottes von unserem Leben und der gesamten Schöpfung.

Das Schrecklichste daran ist, dass in kürze all diese Liebhaber der Macht und des Todes sich ihre Hände vom Blut der Unschuldigen abwaschen und sich an irgendeinen reich gedeckten Verhandlungstisch setzen werden. Sie werden wieder ein Mal Macht und Geld untereinander verteilen, sie werden weiterhin lachen, essen und trinken, ihre eigenen Kinder umarmen und in Urlaub fahren, im selben Moment, wo tausende Menschen tot sein werden für nichts und wieder nichts… Das macht mich verrückt und das muss ich euch beichten.

Wir müssen dem aber widerstehen. Wir dürfen auf keinen Fall zulassen, dass ihr Krieg und ihre Dunkelheit uns in die Verzweiflung treiben. Um sie zu stoppen, ist es wichtig, dass es uns gut geht: dass wir beten. Dass wir unsere Gedanken beruhigen. Dass wir für einander da sind. Dass wir zuhören, reden, fühlen. Dass wir uns gegenseitig umarmen, lieben und in einander verlieben. Dass wir gut schlafen, uns richtig ernähren und viel laufen. Dass wir bei Protesten und Demonstrationen teilnehmen, dass wir nicht passiv bleiben. Dass wir das Böse „an der Gurgel“ packen, wo immer wir es antreffen.

Dass wir heute das tun was wir können und was in unserer Macht steht, morgen wird es mit Gottes Hilfe irgendwie weitergehen. Aber wir müssen es tun. Verschiebe nicht auf morgen was heute getan werden kann.

Sag heute ein „ich liebe dich“, ein „entschuldige bitte“, morgen kann es zu spät sein.

Lass nicht die Angst dich umbringen, bevor es eine Kugel tut. Sei anwesend, lebe jeden Tag, jeden Moment als ob er der letzte vor der Ewigkeit ist. Glaub mir, alles was du hier erlebst, wirst du dort mitnehmen, und sorge dafür, dass du mit Licht, Gütigkeit und Freude in deinem Herzen gehst, denn was du hier erlebt hast wird ewig in deiner Seele walten.

Halte durch mein Bruder und meine Schwester, am Ende werden wieder Christus und das Leben siegen. Die Dunkelheit existiert nur, weil wir das Licht nicht angemacht haben.

Pater Charalambos Libyos Papadopoulos

Praying for protection

When tensions abound
and despair clouds the mind
watch me appear, all shiny and bright
a colourful smile, a gaze full of light
you’d never suspect, the darkness I hide
Encouraging words, the warmest embrace
your heart starts to sing, you don’t see the cage
A siren’s sweet song, so tender and soft
but how can a leopard ever change its spots
I love a good hunt, and you are the prey
ensnaring your soul, that’s what really makes my day

Father
cover them
and keep them.
If they are in danger
and always and for ever,
our Father by grace,
please cover them
and keep them.

For a dear friend.

🙏🙏

Magnum Mysterium

The Divine cannot work or be felt in our lives
while our free will still stubbornly roars

I am here
I am me

If I Am
created Free
how can this be undone
lead to Trust

It’s a circle so strong, seems too vicious to break
and Surrender cannot be explained

We’ve been chasing eclipses’ dark paths for too long
trying to hide from Almighty’s true love

We all live and we die we forget just for Whom
Undeservedly Grace guide us Home

Quiet sweetness of harmony humbles pain’s view
Inexplicably You are in us

Time is naught and Your majesty illumines each soul
Greatest mystery of us being of You

Leon and Plutonia